Shorts: When and How to wear 'em
I hate shorts.
Not everyone should wear them. Even then, if I could only wear them at the gym and beach, I’d be ecstatic. I’m largely a fan of cropped chinos, linen pants, and cuffed jeans/other to beat the heat.
Men’s legs are rarely meant to be seen, but I do understand the appeal.
They’re comfortable.
In the heat, even in moderate temperatures, they keep wearers cool. To the point of “Chubbies” nearly non-existent inseam. They also offer the ability to wear vibrant colors/patterns that I would separately classify as “unwearable” if made in a go-to-hell pant. The ability to rock a white tee and American flag shorts vice a Rex-Kwon-Do style is all the imagery I believe you’ll need to justify that.
Forever-and-a-day it’s been since I wanted to wear shorts of my own accord. Writing this article, I searched all my photo archives and have two pictures of me in casual shorts (anything more than gym wear). Not even swimwear. Perhaps that is why I’m taking interest in this subject—reacclimating myself to shorts. Two old Instagram photos of myself are all that remain, and both are undeserving of being included in this.
In elementary school, I used to fight my stepmother to wear them out. To the point I had a clearly defined temperature as to when I was allowed to wear them out of the house. (65℉ in case you're wondering). These were in the days observed of the jorts fashion wave. I did have one thing going for me at the time. I abhorred any camera for any use around me whatsoever. This made hiding this part of my past and leaving it to hazy memory all the easier.
I loved my FUBU shorts, though, and wore them every occasion I had. I hate to admit that. The end of this major stint in my past came in the form of a “wicked burn” one high school morning.
9th grade. I was walking into the atrium at the front of my building, and my since “best friend” (going on 10 years now), decided today was the day. He was standing with the older football kids he got along with better than I did, and in place of the usual “What’s up?” I received:
“HEY, nice JORTS kid. I remember when I used to wear jorts… then my mom got a job!”
As you can imagine, this was the last time I wore those. Looking back, I wish I never put myself in that situation in the first place. Also, before anyone writes about how rude it was, or how unnecessary a comment, behavior such as this was commonplace in my friend group. None were undeserving of the berating that took place back then.
The many varities of shorts:
Today I look into the acclimation process I discussed earlier.
Looking into my favorite styles from blandly casual to sartorial, I will throw around a few ideas and tips for livening up your look when wearing shorts.
Usually, you look like you missed something. Not because you aren’t wearing full pants, but because shorts are normally worn when it’s hot outside. Shirts tend to be short sleeve, plain, with little to no jewelry, and little to no life downstairs—in the shoe category.
Here are 5 tips to get you going:
Wear a button-up shirt.
Liven up your look with a button-up, whether it’s a long sleeve rolled up (above), or short sleeve over a tank (below). Patterns work great for plain shorts, and vice versa. Great way to interject some shirts you wouldn’t wear during summer months into your rotation.
Wear accessories! Hats, necklaces, rings, watch, even tall socks are all additives that prevent you from looking like every guy walking down the street.
Loud sneakers are perfect for taking the spotlight if you are into the retro-sneaker hype.
Hats are always a great way to level up, and they hold the great purpose of eye/skincare in keeping the sun out of your eyes/face.
Necklaces can be worn in pairs here, and you can even go crazy with rings. Preferably not both at the same time, but if you feel they work well together, who are you really hurting with a few rings?
Try dress shorts.
I know this may seem odd. I am still at odds with myself on the matter. If dressing up occasionally is your thing, give them a try. I do believe there are very right (above) and very wrong ways to do this. Mostly due to body types, which brings me to my next point.
Buy for your body type.
If you have some extra weight in your belly, and very thin legs, your best shorts are pants. Gotta tell it how it is, it accentuates both extremes.
If you have a large seat or bigger thighs, buying wider shorts will help you look more balanced. Brighter colors/patterns are also less desirable since they’ll bring attention to these areas—unless that’s what you want! Also wearing them a bit longer (just above the knee) will keep you from looking like a KFC drumstick.
Thin men have the luxury of wearing straight-cut, mass-marketed shorts. Avoid wider cuts as they will really bring out how thin you are.
As far as inseam goes (length), you should never wear longer than 9”. Unless you’re going for a “look” in an antifashion direction, avoid shorts that are on or longer than your knees. 4” inseams or less are practically underwear—please avoid.
STOP BUYING CARGO SHORTS / JORTS
Cargo shorts being any color with one or more pockets on the thighs. They’re the same, and I feel my friend’s comments earlier in life still hold true. Just… don’t.
**Very into the “Tank and overshirt” look that’s gaining traction at the moment
Whether you take all of this advice or none, there is one on-going theme that I have touched on, and will continue discussing.
Wear your clothing.
*Fashion-forward, and breaks 2 of my “fit rules,” but looks great!*
If you can find a way to wear your favorite boots with shorts in a very fashion-forward way, by all means. Wearing pieces from other seasons, such as a sweater or long-line coat, can be the statement you need to improve your style. Even in hotter weather, these options can work since you’re probably AC hopping from your car to whatever building and back anyways.
For more tips on how to dress this summer, and every summer hereon, check back in next week for a deeper dive into the Statement Pieces I briefly mentioned just above. Something that can make or break an outfit, particularly when it only has 3-4 articles of clothing (most summer outfits).
Keep your Style in Sync every week, and use #styleinsync on Instagram to show off any tips or tricks you’ve learned from the blog.
~Mario
